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Should we talk about his work ... out of work?


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By W.M - January 30, 2019

Should we talk about his work ... out of work

To decompress (and keep spouse and friends), is it better to leave his day behind when leaving the office? One thing is certain: all work deserves rest!

He invites himself to the dinners. At parties with friends. And even in the intimacy of a couple's bed. The work envisaged as a prolongation of oneself, or a subject of abundant conversation, opposes two schools: the partisans of "let's leave the job in its place", and the followers of the famous question: "how was your day?". One thing is certain: we can palaver everything, but not with anyone. And no matter how. Whether one talks about one's work with joy, stress, resentment, excitement, or whether one is expanding on an ongoing file, his salary or his colleagues, the interest seems to lie primarily in the possibility of opening up. new horizons and to renew one's look. For this, it may be useful to reinvent the way we talk about our work and that of others.

Why this need to "talk work"?

Nina is 29 years old. His first CDD as a graphic designer began six months ago, giving rise to an irrepressible desire to share his first experiences. "I do my job five days a week, eight hours a day. It's a part of my life impossible to avoid with a snap of your fingers. So I put the subject on the table at night, when I find my family members. I go into detail, I name by their first names people they do not even know. It helps me to take stock and move on for the rest of the evening. "For his part, Timothée, 26 years old and freelance computer developer, is more in the analysis:" I have trouble to draw a line between my personal life and my professional life. I talk a lot about what I do with my parents. As if I was still working. Their opinion interests me, they help me improve. "

"Work is central in the social setting because it defines us in large part," says Emma Scali, professional coach, psychotherapist, and author of the book "My Journal of Writing Therapy," I become the hero of my life. It is no coincidence that one of the first questions that two strangers ask themselves is: "What are you doing in life?" Moreover, when I receive people in professional reconversion, they sometimes have the impression of being in loss of identity. "Talking about his work is, therefore, expressing himself (in the true sense of the word: to bring out ), to build oneself, to draw little with little with those whom one loves, in whom one trusts, the person that one wants to become.

Find the right ear (and do not abuse it)

Before expanding on this vast subject of life, it is better to ensure that you face the right people. Most of Timothée's entourage do the same job as him. "Of course, what I'm talking about interests them." But not all. "When those I'm bored tell me to stop, I stop. And I appreciate being told sometimes. I realize that it makes me very good to move on. "Because if he says he needs to externalize," in reality I focus primarily on the points that make me anxious, which just stress me a bit more".

In terms of work, there are two types of narrative: those that aim to self-value. And the cathartics, who seek above all a spillway. "When the work goes wrong, the one who talks about it will spread what happens to feel listened to and get support. Those who have a job-passion and are absorbed by their job, they are confused with the latter. So they talk about it inevitably ... and very often. "

"Relatives are essential to accompany us professionally," says Emma Scali. But not to wear everything. "Whether you bring back your pressure or your passion at home, they do not necessarily appreciate endless and endless egotistical speeches." Emma Scali recently received a couple marked by these difficulties. "One of the two partners has an artistic profile. He talks so much about what he creates, what he imagines, that he invades the couple's space. "And leaves little room for his partner to exist - or breathe.

Reinventing the "work talk"

Nina, the graphic designer, is firm: "The work, as enriching as it is, must not interfere everywhere". This partisan of letting go sometimes cuts short the flood of words. Emma Scali, however, believes that attention, the link to the other, is the guarantor of balance. "If we listen, if we are interested in our interlocutor, we bring a balanced exchange. When we talk about ourselves without stopping or the other does not listen, we do not really discover each other. "

To discuss it without stress, and to capture the attention of one's loved ones, should one reinvent the "talk of work"? Emma Scali points out that "the questions we ask can evolve. The classic "how was your day?" may leave room for "what do you like about your work, what does it seem difficult to you, what inspires you, what are you trying to say through your projects? What impact do you want to have? " In addition to telling the day or the week, it's about understanding what our work says about us and our environment. "This is a vast exploration that is certainly worth the detour.


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